Food Journal 1/5

  •  Delux Chicken Sandwhich, consisting of 1 piece of white bread, herby roast chicken, 3 slices of tomato, red onion, oak lettuce and lime aoli.
  • 1.5 cups of chicken stir fry with a superfood mixed salad, chicken strips, green beans, water chestnuts, noodles cooked with a yummy soy based sauce. 
  • 2 glasses of apple juice 
  • 150 mls of coke 

    I didnt drink enough water today since i was out and about. I did however buy a rellay sexy set of lingerie ­čśś

    Food Journal 30/4

    – 2 orange and poppyseed muffins

    – large soy chai tea

    – large chicken schnitzel salad with balsamic dressing 

    – 5 hot chips

    – large chicken parmigiana with chips

    – 1 hour aerial silks workout 

    – 1.5 litres of water 

    Food Journal 29/4

    – 3 homemade orange and poppyseed nuffins

    – chicken burger

    – hot chips 

    – small homemade potato, egg and bacon pie

    – small homemade apple pie with 1 scoop of icecream

    -1.6 litres of wated 

    Going Off The Pill and the Resultant Insanity

    About a month ago I decided to stop taking the hormonal birth control pill I was on. In part this was because I was becoming increasingly forgetful about it, but I’ve also been on the same pill for about 6 years now, since I was in year 11. I had begun to feel as if I didn’t even know my body anymore. Since being on the pill I’d gradually gained weight, going from 53kg to 70kg. While that may have been to a gradual dietary/lifestyle change I’m not so sure it wasn’t influenced by the pill. Other than that though I wasn’t sure what other aspects of my everyday life the pill had been affecting.

    The first few days after I stopped taking the pill nothing really changed, because the hormones were still circulating my body. But throughout the following weeks I’ve noticed that I feel more, I feel happier and my emotions feel more natural than before. In the past I’ve struggled with periods of extremely low moods, which isn’t uncommon, however the usual dullness of emotions has gradually lifted. Even friends have commented on how I seem more positive and energetic recently.

    In addition to this I noticed something that has in the past been a point of guilt and embarrassment for me. My usually dead low sex drive has dramatically, insanely increased! I can’t stop pestering my partner for some alone time. It’s been absolutely fantastic. I want to buy sexy underwear again, to feel sexy, empowered and strong. I want a drawer full of toys for myself and to spend weekends locked away in the bedroom with my SO. Now I have to wonder if my indifference to sex in the past was a direct result of taking the pill since I was 16 years old, or if something has changed with my relationship lately that has led to this increase. However it isn’t just psychological, at least it doesn’t feel it to me.

    I’ve also noticed a change to how I handle or react to my stress levels. Since about year 12 I’ve felt less stress overall. For the HSC exams I felt worried, but overall didn’t really care. While at uni, I’ve felt nervous about assessment dates and exams, but I’ve always known I had it under control. I also began overeating when I did become stressed. I even went through a period where if I wasn’t eating I began to feel nauseous and uncomfortable. Two weeks ago was the first time I felt like my old self in a while, because instead of reaching for food when I was stressed, I lost my appetite. And weirdly enough this was comforting. I even called my mum about it! It was so comforting to have an addition source for stress to disappear! Instead of worrying about eating too much, my brain was now focusing on the source of my initial stress. This has resulted in me putting more hours into my studies, working for extended periods of time instead of short 30 min sessions. It’s been such a relief to me, and no one is really understanding why I am finding the loss of appetite to be comforting. It’s not that I’m┬ádoing it to lose weight (although I have before), it’s just that I know this is how I work, and it’s comforting to finally be feeling like me again.

     

    Today I have a consultation before I have the Mirena implanted next week, and I am insanely nervous. Not because of how it may affect my body, because there’s no way it can cause as much harm to my body as the pill did, but simply because of the pain of the implantation. Also, I’ve started my period today, sorry in advance doc! But despite feeling bloated and sore, I finally feel like myself again, instead of a blank, empty shell of a human being.

    University 

    Its almost half way through the first semester of the year and mentally I’m feeling pretty good. I’m on top of my studies and feeling relatively organised with assessments. I’m really excited by how positive my mental outlook has been despite the challenges I faced just trying to organise my classes. 

    I’m loving how organised my life is with days of study, work and exercise, however it’s led to some weight gain and I’m trying to get back on track. That’s secondary to my grades though which always have me slightly worried despite my great track record. 

    Thankfully my boyfriend wants to help and is going to make an effort to help keep me on track and avoiding take away and junk. 

    Sorry for the lack of updates, I’ve been both ecstatic over my motivation with uni and crushed over my weight gain. 
    Hopefully things will valance out soon!
    Xx

    R

    Restarting Week 2

    This week has been terrible apart from 1 day, so I’m just going to redo it, calories wise at least. 

    Everyday until Sunday I have work or uni from 9 till 5:30/6:30, or even later. 

    My challenge to myself: tea for breakfast, 80-170 cal soups for lunches, apples, orages and grapes for snacks and dinner if I can’t avoid it. 

    Hopefully I’ll be 64kgs soon! 

    Short update but I’m exhausted and drained.  So much uni stress, a random lady is staying at my house and I’m worried about money. The only positive right now is spending time with my SO and planning for Japan. 
    Xx

    R

    Set Back

    I didn’t want to write this post, because I want to hide my mistake. I want to be perfect, but I’m not. This is an accountability blog, but what use is it if I’m not brutally honest when I mess up. 

    Yesterday was supposed to be a fast day. Apparently I can’t fast right now. I flopped hard time yesterday. I ate pretty much anything I could get my chubby little hands on; chocolate, hot chips, left overs. The only ‘healthy’ food I had was a chicken stir fry after 90 minutes of aerial silks. 

    It has resulted in a gain, which may be because I haven’t had a BM yet, or it could be a real gain. My stomach is heavy, my head hurts and I feel terrible. All I want to do is curl up in bed and let the day pass me by, but I have uni today, and an assessment draft due at wednesday. I need to get up out of bed but I feel atrocious.

    Im going to get up though, I’m going to follow my adjusted plan of 150-200 calories: up to 2 soy chai teas at uni, half a breakfast muffin throughout the day, and nibble at some dinner with my friends and SO. This may go over my cal limit but I know myself more now and I know I need to work towards fasting and super low cal days. 
    I’ll let you know when I am finally below 65 kg.

    Xx

    R