Today has been draining.
My boyfriend and I have been having a lot of little snaps lately, most of them about stupid little things that don’t even matter in the scheme of things. It didn’t come as a surprise then, when it started happening today, despite my mental notes to be less of a bitch. The argument began, then it got worse.
I started voicing some of the ‘darker’ thoughts I’d been having about our relationship, mainly questioning if it was working. I brought up that I felt unappreciated, that he didn’t want to be a part of my life since he never stayed at mine and barely knows my family, that sometimes the way he says things and reacts makes me feel like he thinks I’m stupid. In return he told me that it makes him feel like shit when I tell useless white lies. TBH I hadn’t even realised that I’d been doing that.
Most of it was me airing stuff that had been bothering me for a little while, things that again were little and had just built up over time because I had bottled it up inside, and he had too. I cried for a bit, but he listened to me, told me that it was important for me to be able to speak up about how I was feeling, and that despite that some of what I was saying was hurtful, that he needed to hear what I had to say. And I love him for that.
I ended up laughing with tears streaming down my face, and somehow ended a conversation about what wasn’t working in our relationship confessing that I wanted to move out with him. And despite my sniffling and red sunburnt face, this deeply caring man who’d just listened to me complain for over an hour stood up, grabbed my face and told me that he wanted that too.
I just wish that I was able to do more to help him through his own struggles. How do you help someone feel that they are loved and have friends who really do care about them?
Anyway that’s all I can manage right now,