I had another terrible day yesterday, as much as I had planned it to be a good one. I woke up feeling great too which almost makes it worse.
Anyway I got up, pumped some of my happy music while getting ready, ducked down to the shops to buy my supplies for the picnic, then got picked up by a friend. I had a great chat with her in the car about everything with work, and got to me her new BF (who is so much better than the last guy you have noooooo idea).We got to the place for the picnic and set up camp (since the others hadn’t arrived yet). All was good.
Then everyone else arrived, and suddenly I was feeling isolated and left out, and I think the friend I went there with was feeling the same. We were left on one side of the spread and it felt like no one went out of their way to have conversations with us. Now this may just be part of me being super duper sensitive and fragile right now, but it sucked. The music was nice though. Either way I was relieved to head back home.
I then went over to my sick AF BF’s house to cuddle up on the couch and watch Luke Cage. He was in a foul mood though and was snappy about his brother, who asked him about when he wanted pizza, calling him selfish, and then tossed his phone away after using it to snap at me too. So I left. Ain’t no body got time fo that shit.
I ended up sitting outside my house in the car for 10-15 minutes because I just wasn’t coping with everything well. Then my BF messaged me, which just turned messy and hurtful. We were both feeling very low and fragile and ended up rubbing each other the wrong way.
I didn’t handle it well and ended up napping before dinner then immediately going back to sleep afterwards. There were tears and I was upset that I couldn’t start my looming 3000 word research essay due in a week. I’m terrified by that essay tbh.
Later that night though he sent me this image about sadness which is how I feel about him, and he asked if I would still like to meet up tomorrow (which is today) to talk.
So that’s where I’m at, sitting in bed waiting to have a shower before I go over to my BF’s house to talk. I’m going to have to let him know that, whilst he is sick and feeling really down right now, I can’t deal with his anger. It hurts me too much and I don’t deserve it.
Wish me luck ❤
Ps. totally failed yesterdays goal to eat predominately fruit fml. Green tea, water and fruit until dinner today instead.