Binge City

Sorry I haven’t been posting as regularly recently. I’ve been struggling with my long term binges, and today has been my lowest. I feel like I just can’t stop eating junk. I’ve gained and feel so bloated and disgusting. My thighs are so thick right now. 

It didn’t help that today my BF and I had an issue. We went out for lunch and it was perfect until shit hit the fan. I spilt my drink all over him and when he got back from the bathroom he was pretty angry. So I retreated into my she’ll.  I don’t deal with anger well, I’m so terrified of being dumped that it’s an instant reaction to shut down when I get too stressed about it. 

So in reaction to that he shut down too. Now there was two hurting people sitting in near silence picking over our meals. I didn’t eat much of my sandwhich which made him even more upset, and it just kept spiraling. 

We did work it out but I went into emotional binge mode the second I was alone. Skittles, a whole bag of salt and vinegar chips, iceblocks. Christ it’s disgusting. 
Im tossing up if it’s worth the stress of weighing myself tomorrow and seeing how much I’ve gained this last week. I feel like I’m back at 68-9kgs which is just such a disappointment.
Shit
R

How I started Dating my Boyfriend

As promised (although slightly delayed due to sleep) I’m writing a post about my relationship and my boyfriend, so sit back, soak up the lifetime drama and enjoy/cringe/sympathize with me as I attempt to sum up a complex relationship into inadequate words.

We’ve been dating for just over a year now, and like all relationships we’ve had our highs and lows. I don’t really remember the first night I met my BF (gonna call him J), but I remember trying to convince him to ask out my friend. We were all drunk and out clubbing, and while my friend (Lets go with A) was at the bathroom J began talking to me about how much he liked A. I was all for them and thought they’d make the cutest, nerdiest, Simpsons obsessed couple ever. Little did I know that I would end up falling for the handsome goofball myself 😛

Anyway that night I remember sitting on a cold bus seat, watching as they shared one of the most romantic movie moments I’ve ever witnessed (despite it being outside a McDonald’s). There was an emotional speech, an impassioned response followed by an incredible sparks flying, lungs exploding, world-spinning kiss. I was squealing with joy in the background while trying to dodge sleazy guys. There may have been a few drinks involved by this point as well hahaha!

They never had anything more than a couple of hook ups, and are still great friends today (thank god for that since I love them both). However, it meant that I knew my BF for about a year before we started dating, which is pretty great.

He and I don’t have a very… lovey-dovey story. We all went to a party for A’s birthday I think, which was followed by drinks out, which in turn lead to some serious flirting which ended up with some very provocative dancing on my behalf. A group of us headed back to A’s house to crash, and J and I ended up ‘crashing’ in the same bed. Her bed to be precise. There was lots of cuddling and then some kissing. After checking to make sure we both were on board we had some damn good sex (consent is super important, especially when intoxicated people!). My favourite part of that first night for us though was the morning after. We were both super awkward and shy, yet trying to act totally normal. Safe to say that A found out about everything in 0.2 seconds hahaha :’D . We all went out for a very hungover brunch, and on the walk back to the house J invited me to a party that was happening in a few nights. A quidditch beer-pong party. Who could resist an invitation like that!

In those few days J and I did A LOT of fb flirting, it was a struggle trying to focus at work. We ended up deciding not to go to the party, and instead he rocked up at the end of my shift (9pm) with a caramel sunday. We spent a while hanging out on the town, just sitting and talking, before heading back to my house when it got too cold. At mine we played some playstation games and talked about movies, before I noticed the time and dropped him home. I know, I know. What a tease, having sex the first night but not after an actual date, but alcohol was involved that night. While I’ve had a few 1-night stands before I don’t like them, and they usually only happen once I am heavily, heavily intoxicated. Hence why I try to avoid getting that wasted. So I dropped the man home.

Skip forward a few weeks, and we’ve now been on a few dates. We’ve  gotten ice cream, gone for walks, had nice dinners out, seen a lot of movies. We even held hands in public a few times hahaha. I started staying the nights at his and yes we starting having toe curling sex again. It was super fun, and after about a month we decided that yeah, we were comfortable putting a label on our relationship. We were now ‘officially’ boyfriend and girlfriend.

————————————————————————–

I think I’m going to leave it there for now. It’s almost midnight here and I like leaving it at a happier part 🙂 Don’t worry, we’re still at a happy part, but there is some stuff in the middle and more stress now.

Night everyone!

Xox
R

Busy bee

So I’ve been a little busy lately, travelling and dealing with assessments, and I apologise for the lack of updates. I’ll try keep this post short!
On Sunday I went to my mum’s place for a couple of days. I used this as a short holiday, as she has a cute little hobby farm complete with veggie patch a baby lambs. It was so relaxing, however my mum eats constantly and so while I was there I did too. I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed forgetting calories and just enjoyed eating too much dessert and drinking whatever I wanted. Until I stepped on the scales and saw a kilo gain. I’ve dropped most of that since getting back home, now I’m back at 67 kilos, but my new goal is to be 60 kilos by the end of September. That’s a 7 kilo loss in 30 days. I may not be able to do it, but if I stay at under 500 a day (gross not net cal) I’ll still see some great progress.

In other news I completed 2 items of assessment today; an online mid-semester test and a student profile and plan. The first was the only one I was stressed about, as I haven’t watched all of my 14 lectures. I feel like I did ok EXCEPT that I skipped questions planned to go back to them only to find out that it’s impossible to do that! Meaning I have immediately failed 10% of my exam. 

I’m trying to ignore that though, because if I focus on it too much I’ll end up bawling, screaming and tearing my hair out like I did straight after finding this out. 

Tomorrow or later tonight I plan on posting a separate post about my boyfriend because thats going to be too long for here. Everything is perfect between us, but I pray that someone helps him out of his hellhole asap 🙁 

Anyway, love you all, stay safe and remember to take some time off for yourself!

Xox R