Sorry about not writing for a little bit. I was to ashamed to write on here about everything that’s been happening lately because I had a week of failure. I’m embarrassed about it, so much so that I couldn’t bring myself to share my calorie intakes with you all because sometimes I didn’t even add it all up I was so afraid. All I know is that since my last post I’ve gained almost a kilo of weight. And I’m struggling. With life and friends and health.
So thank you all so much for always being here, and being so understanding and forgiving. It’s so god damn cathartic to write about things here and I should have remembered that this last week. You’re all so amazing!
The main thing that I’ve been struggling with is going out constantly for food with people. Because I’m always hanging out with friends I’m constantly getting to my hungriest state when I’m out of the house with all of my binge foods only a few steps away. And on top of that the people I’m with expect us to get food. That lead to me eating like 500-600cal meals, even when I only ate parts of my meal. And after a few days of eating nice foods out I began to feel that wth I’ve already ruined my restricting so much I may as well make it worth it and eat whatever the hell I want!
But now I know the cycle hopefully I can stop it. Hopefully I can cut myself off more, avoid certain places, bring enough money for only the lowest calorie meal, or even avoid eating out at places if I can. Hopefully.
Other than that the one thing I was looking forward to this week, picking up yoga, was cancelled. My friend bailed on me, which hurt a lot. I really needed to go, so I’m thinking that once I get paid today, I’ll go by myself during the day to a beginner level class. I’m a bit terrified tbh. More than a little terrified. Which is why I wanted to go with a friend but I can’t wait, I need to go because I need the peace it fosters.
Anyway, this is a super long post so I’ll stop now,
Love you all,